Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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