he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
