I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
