He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
