Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
