"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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