she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
