Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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