Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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