She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
