What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
