Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
