Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
