She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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