Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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