no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
