you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
