I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
