Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize