If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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