She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
