You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
