can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
