btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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