I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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