You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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