I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
