Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
