i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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