I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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