I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
