Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
