Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize