you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
