do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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