i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
