Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize