you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
