Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
