Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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