i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
