I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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