there's paper in my vomit.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
