i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
