If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
