I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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