i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
