I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wear drunk well.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
