Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
