i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
