It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
