i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
