he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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