do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
