i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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