i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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