Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
