Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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