If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
