Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
