So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
