did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
