On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
