She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
