i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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