I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
