he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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